Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
