on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
