I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
