I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i think my mom watched the whole time
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
