so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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