I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
