It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
