Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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