Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
