babies were throwing up all over the place
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
