he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
