I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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