I hate your face
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
