i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
