Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
