Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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