I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
