Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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