I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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