So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
