my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
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RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
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There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Still dying that you shit outside
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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