yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
