He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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