Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
