I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
