i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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