ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
