how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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