From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
