Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
