There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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