Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
