there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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