He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
