sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
