you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I cockslap morals
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
