So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
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It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
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I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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