My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
