My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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