How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
