Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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