Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
