i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
