I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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