He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
