We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dear god my vagina.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
