dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
