When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
