yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
