Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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