I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize