my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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