90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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