im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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