i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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