Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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