No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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