Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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