She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
