Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
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Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
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When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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